Learning to Wear as a Blind Mama

K wears her son in a blue ring sling in the kitchen

As someone who is blind, I knew that I would need to babywear before ever becoming a parent. Setting aside all the great benefits and philosophical reasons, all of which I love, it really came down to practicality. Guide dogs and strollers really don’t mix! So, babywearing was the only way I was going to get around with my son independently.

But the babywearing world is a very visual world!

I quickly became overwhelmed trying to research that one carrier that would last me from baby to toddler. Having very few friends who were parents, let alone wore their babies much, I was on my own. I’m sure many expecting parents feel the same way, struggling to sort through all the information comparing carriers. Adding in the pictures, instructions, and YouTube videos that were all very visually oriented made me feel lost.

K wears her son facing out in a
Beco Gemini on the sidewalk

Eventually I picked a carrier and figured out how to use it, but the process was frustrating. Had I not known that babywearing was an essential skill for me to learn I might have given up. Having someone who knows nothing about babywearing trying to explain very visual instructions to someone else who knows  nothing about babywearing is…well…challenging.

I didn’t hear about BWI until my son was a few months old. At that point we’d figured things out enough, and I didn’t see the need to drag myself to a meeting. Living in Capitol Hill, none of the meetings are very convenient.

As my son got older our wearing needs changed. In the process of finding a new carrier that would work for us, I got more curious about the other options. I had friends who were wearing their babies now, and I envied the ease at which they perused new carriers and babywearing skills. I had several friends talking about wanting to try woven wraps, and I was curious.

K wears her son in a back carry in a multicolor
 soft structure carrier on a brick sidewalk

So, when my son was 18 months old I was motivated to go to a BWI meeting to learn the basics of using a woven wrap. I’ll admit that I was reluctant. I was nervous about getting help in a group setting, generally not the best for teaching visual skills to someone who is blind. But I got individual attention, and I was hooked on in person help!

K wears her son on her back in a navy with
multicolor elephant print soft structure
carrier inside a living room

I wish that I had made myself go to a meeting much sooner. Finally I had actual people who could answer my questions and let me touch step by step. I could feel what different carriers were like, rather than relying on friends or my husband’s descriptions. A whole new world of babywearing opened up when I attended that first meeting. Now, I have resources to help navigate the crazy visual world of babywearing, and I’m so glad of it.


 Posted by Kim

Editor's note: At BWI of DC-MD-VA, we want to help parents and caregivers wear no matter the challenges in their path.  Please let us know if you need accommodations to learn at a meeting.  We have educators who are fluent in ASL, our meeting locations are accessible with elevators or ramps, and we will work with you to make any arrangements needed to help you learn.

It's Wintertime! Bread, Milk, and Babywearing Meetings

This post isn’t a how-to but more of a head’s up.

Our area enjoys all four seasons.  Usually during the winter months when it gets a little chilly and there is some light snow or ice, we lose our damn minds and close schools and public offices while buying milk we won’t drink (forgot about that lactose intolerance) and wait for the neighbors to also go outside to shovel out their car so it feels like an outdoor party.

A crowd of snow people

As such, when there are school delays or closings due to the weather, this will affect our meetings as well.  Some meetings will be cancelled entirely, others may start late or end early to accommodate the leader’s ability to pick up or drop off children at school.  

A list of our upcoming meetings and events can be found here https://www.facebook.com/BWIofDCMDVA/events?ref=page_internal

And we will try to update cancellations as soon as we can on the event page.    

We will also try to post on our chatter board.  In the case of inclement weather, attendees can also post and ask https://www.facebook.com/groups/BWIofDCMDVAFSOT/

If in doubt regarding the weather, please use your best judgement.  It is OK to stay home if you don’t feel comfortable out in the weather!

This is also a time of year when sniffles, colds, and coughs abound.  What should we do about illness?

Norman Rockwell painting of a boy at the doctor with his pants loose awaiting a shot

While our meetings are always open to the public, the nature of our meetings means we usually have a number of pregnant women and/or very young infants. As such if  you or members of the household have had fever, vomiting or diarrhea within 24 hours of the meeting, please stay home, rest and recuperate!   

Other symptoms of illness, like a cough or runny nose are a matter of discretion but if the germs can spread easily, it may be best to plan on attending when the worst of the cold symptoms have passed.  If this affects returning a learning library carrier, please feel free to contact us to arrange an out of meeting return.  While we are sorry not to see you, we appreciate everyone’s effort to keep each other well.

Finally,  with the gray days, indoor time and cold weather its not uncommon to feel blah this time of year.  If you want to connect online we’re just a post away in the chatter group—you don’t have to have something for sale to chatter with us!  If in person meet ups are more your thing, in addition to the regular meetings, playdates are welcome. Just post a time and place in the chatter group and you'll likely have a crowd in no time.

A ginger cat and black cat.  The ginger cat has a paw around the
shoulder of the black cat as they gaze out a window

We hope the weather doesn’t interrupt too many meetings and illness doesn’t keep too many of you away.  We look forward to wearing with you!

Photo of a casual picnic following a Tysons meeting last summer

The Things You Can Learn at a Babywearing Meeting!

I knew before my first son arrived that I would want to wear him and keep him close. I researched some options and went with a Sleepy Wrap (now Boba wrap) and an Ergo. Thankfully, the Boba wrap had tutorials and I was able to figure out the pocket wrap cross carry fairly easily. Or so I thought... I could never get it tight enough and with increasing weight, it was always uncomfortable. I transitioned to the Ergo with the infant insert and that was more comfortable. It wasn't until my son was older and over 20 lbs that my back began to hurt with the Ergo. I watched videos and tried everything to perfect the fit but it just was not working. I decided to try a wrap instead so I could really customize the fit.

I got my first wrap, a Didymos Lisca Pastell in my base size and could not wait to start playing with it. After using the Boba wrap, I figured I'd be a pro! After hours of YouTube tutorials, pictures in babywearing facebook support groups and lots of conversations, I just could not get it tight enough to feel solid and safe. So I attended my first BWI meeting.

A panoramic photo of the Centreville meeting

I was definitely overwhelmed when I came in but someone quickly greeted me and offered to help. Having been supremely frustrated with all of my failed attempts at home, I was so relieved that someone was so quickly willing to offer me help.

Sarah helps a mama try on a coral Baby K'tan

We started with the basics - how to tighten a wrap and work each strand through a front wrap cross carry. We worked on that carry for a while and realized that maybe it wasn't the best option for me so I was taught another carry - front cross carry. The carry was simple, easy to get baby in and out (poppable), and easy for me to tighten! I was so incredibly relieved!! I walked out of that meeting with a carry that worked so well for us that it is still my go-to carry with my second son.

Tiffany helps a mother adjust her ring sling

I continued to attend meetings and at each one I learned more and more. After lots of practice tightening, I learned how to get my then toddler on my back and complete the secure high back carry. I learned how to do a slip-knot with a rebozo carry. As my skills improved, I started being able to help others. 

AM teaches a mom to back wear and a dad attempting
a carry with his wife before trying it with baby

Most important of all, at every meeting, I got to talk to amazing mamas. We would swap tips for babywearing and tips for life. We'd offer each other support, encouragement and kind words. Everyone was at various points in their babywearing and mothering journey and was always so open to teaching when asked. While I have not been to as many meetings as I would like lately, I know that if I ever need some guidance a meeting is just a short car ride away.

Posted by Lorelei

A Meeting? What's that about?

Sometimes people wonder, what happens at a meeting?  Can they teach me to wrap/ back carry/ etc?  Will I fit in?  Is it a bunch of hippies? Is it only moms?  Will anyone try to sell me something?

Well, let me try to address those questions:
1. What happens at a meeting?

Well, sometimes it depends on the meeting, if we have a meeting with only 1 new person, we may go with something along the lines of a more casual conversation.  But generally we begin by going over the types of carriers, demonstrating their use, and telling what the pros/cons are to each type.  After that you have the chance to try carriers of ours with help, or to get help with a carrier you brought with you.  Babies and toddlers also play merrily through all of this.


2. What can I learn?
We can help you learn to use a carrier you already have, learn more advanced carries with the carrier you have, or teach you to use a carrier you've never tried.
Here you can see Angelique is wrapping along with Jill teaching her a wrap carry:

Then here she is spotting for Jill as she tries a back carry for the first time:

We can also teach you to nurse in a carrier, or hip carry, or do all kinds of different carries.

3. Will I fit in?  Is it a bunch of hippies?  Is it moms only?
Well, yes and no and no.  We have a wide variety of parents represented in our group.  Do we have some super crunchy hippies, you bet.  Do we have some super sophisticated stylish mamas?  Yup, them too.  We are very accepting of all parents and parenting types.  We often get dads, especially with new postpartum moms or at Saturday meetings, but for several years one of our most active members was a stay-at-home dad.  Even babysitters or nannies are welcome. We believe everyone can benefit from babywearing, and we want you to benefit too, yes, even you.

4. Will anyone try to sell me something?
We have no carriers for sale.  There is a carrier lending library open to dues paying members of Babywearing International; however, membership is not required to attend.  You may also see or hear Ann Marie pointing out the Babywearing Family Stickers.  These are a fundraiser, and no one will push you to buy them, we just think they are cute.  But mostly, it is a free meeting for everyone's benefit.

So, grab a baby (preferably your own, or one whose parents gave you permission to borrow) and come on down to a meeting.  We're waiting to meet you. :)  This weekend, we are looking forward to another Saturday meeting.  This month we are meeting at the Pohick Library in Burke, VA.  We hope to see you there.

5 Things I Didn't Learn from Babywearing

1. Patience

Unfortunately, if you weren’t patient before you had kids, learning to affix a child to your body is not going to magically make you a more patient person.  Having a child will, however, definitely make you wish you were a more patient person, regardless of your starting point.  The nice thing about babywearing is, while you may not become more patient during the excruciating and ever-variable length of time it takes to get a 3 year old moving in the direction of your desire, you will at least not have to worry about where the baby has gone off to.
 
2. Stain Avoidance

If you have ever been near children in a public setting, you may have noticed that children are, well, sort of disgusting.  And sticky.  And slimy.  Especially in the spring and fall, what with allergies and colds and stuff.  And winter, because, you know it’s flu season. And summer (because of the popsicles).  Once you actually have one or more of your own, the ick-factor is undeniable.  Unfortunately, with babywearing, the regular proximity of noses, mouths, eyes, hands, torsos and diapers to you pretty much guarantees that you will end each outing with some sort of something smeared on your clothes.   However, you will have ample opportunity to discuss stain removal, and perform a number of at-home comparison tests.  Take good notes- this will hold you in good stead when you must face the dreaded Science Fair projects that loom in your future.

3. Color Coordination

Unless your budget is unlimited, or you have a monochromatic wardrobe, you are unlikely to have “the” perfect carrier for each and every fabulous, stain-free, slimming, sleek and chic ensemble you have in your wardrobe as you go about your daily affairs.  However, you will learn how to select the perfect carrier for its ability to support the child in question during the activities you have planned for the day, and if you choose wisely, said carrier might also hide the muffin top or the muffin stain someone so considerately place on your shirt. 

4. Karmic Balance
Try as you might to remain on an even keel, children have the most maddening way of putting your ability to remain calm, to find your inner eye, feel your zen, escape to your happy place, to the test on a regular basis.  And babywearing is not going to make those moments any less frustrating.  But babywearing can improve your actual balance.  I’m no Sarah Jessica Parker, but I have been spotted on occasion high-tailing after some wayward child, wearing heels with a baby strapped to my back during a pickup gone awry after a long day of work.  
 
5. The Right Way to Parent

Despite what the book you’re reading promises, and despite what your mother keeps telling you, there isn’t really a “right” way to parent.  And some times, groups of parents can make you feel defensive about the choices you’ve made, and you gravitate towards those who share your parenting approach.  In my decade of motherhood (okay, typing that made me feel a little queasy- four kids in, how do I still know nothing?), I have never felt more different, yet more welcome, more supported, and more included than at a babywearing meeting.  I believe that our local group has always had a special ability to create community, and the friendships I have made have lasted through all kinds of transitions.  And it is impossible to overstate the importance of being among those who can give you a different perspective.  You may not always agree, but you might broaden your appreciation for the incredible variety of ways there are to be a good parent.

It takes all kinds of mothers to mother all kinds of children … the only “right” way is to be the kind of mother you are.  (I mean, unless you’re a dad.  Then you probably want to go another route).   But mom or dad, it doesn’t help anyone in your house to try to parent like someone else.   So much of parenting is about acceptance – accepting your limitations, accepting your childrens’ challenges, and accepting that “because I said so” doesn’t necessarily mean everyone else will agree.  But it can still be the right thing for you to do.

So throw on some clothes.  We won’t mind if they’re not completely clean.  Slap on a smile.  Strap on your kid.  And we’ll see you at our next meeting.   Wonder what you won’t learn…  




Posted by Nancy

BWI Membership Drive: NOW through Sept 9th

We've been a BWI chapter for about a year now, and we've managed to gain ONE official member in all that time.  Now, it's true, we offer our expertise and vast stashes to anyone to try without payment, but in order to keep the message strong, provide handouts, maintain the carrier library, and help BWI in its efforts on a national level to keep the CPSC from banning slings outright, we need your support.

Membership
A one year membership to BWI costs only $30.  That's a little over 8 cents a day.  Do you and your baby get 8 cents of enjoyment daily from wearing in a comfortable, ergonomic and fashionable carrier?  Do you want to help other parents to do the same?  Joining BWI can do that.

How do we spend the group money?
 - We are joining the BCIA as a supporter, this will help our favorite carrier manufacturers fight to continue making safe, comfortable, and beautiful carriers
- We are ordering much needed supplies for the library, over time pieces such as chest straps, inserts, etc have gone missing
- We want to order brochures to have on hand for meetings and hope to eventually expand outreach to public places like farmer's markets, town festivals, and parades.
- We hope to expand meetings in Maryland and will need to develop new locations and establish the library
- The National organization gets a portion of the funds to use for its outreach as well as to cover expenses like insurance, web hosting (including our private forum), etc.

What do YOU get from becoming a member?
- Well, you help US spread the love of babywearing
- You get some groovy BWI stickers, and maybe a bracelet? (I'm actually not sure what's in the member pack)
- You are eligible to borrow the Sakura Bloom silk sling for your special occasions
- You get a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart
- You get entered in a raffle for a NEW Sleeping Baby Productions ring sling

Wait, back up, what was that last one?
Yes, it's true, you will be entered in a drawing to take place at the September Tysons meeting (THURSDAY, September 9th) for a brand new SBP ring sling.  Does your spouse/ mom/ mother-in-law/ grandfather want to support the efforts of BWI?  They, too, can join and get a raffle entry.

For more information on how to join, attend any meeting in August, or email BeltwayBWers@gmail.com.

On Becoming a Babywearer: A New Wearer's Journey

 My daughter was born on December 23, 2009.  I always thought of myself as being pretty good with children; I babysat A LOT growing up, I hang out regularly with my nearly 2 year old nephew, I have friends with kids.  But none of these things would prepare me for a baby who does. NOT. want. to. be. put. down. EVER.  She wants to be held 24-7 or more, if she could manage it.

We had registered for a Boppy Sling at Babies R Us while I was pregnant, it looked comfy and convenient and we thought we’d give it a try.  But, after Margie was born we tried it twice and she would not tolerate it.  She fussed and wiggled and made the whole experience very uncomfortable.  Also, I didn’t think it looked “right” I found myself lifting her up (still in the Boppy Sling) and cradling her just like I would have if she were not in it.  I had basically resigned myself to the fact that I would no longer have arms and wouldn’t be able to do laundry, dishes, or basically ANYTHING until she grew out of this phase or went to college (whichever came first)!

I was lamenting the loss of my arms in on my Facebook status when Margie was about a month old and a friend from college suggested I attend a “Babywearing Meeting.”   “A babywearing meeting?”, I thought to myself… that sounded kind of hokie and Austin, while I love her, is a bit “crunchier”  than I am.  I really wondered if this was for me.  But, I was willing to try anything at that point.  She provided me with the links to the blog site and the yahoo group.  I read some of the blogs and looked at the pictures.  I immediately noticed how generally happy the children AND parents looked in the photos of babywearers.  And, best of all, they had use of their arms & hands!

My husband and I agreed to meet Austin at the February Babywearing Meeting in Tysons.  It came right after one of the big snow storms.  I brought my “sling” along with us figuring the leaders could give me advice on how to use it.  Well, it turns out that the Boppy sling is just a knock-off of the Infantino bag of death sling.  It was recommended that I take the sling, cut the strap, and never, ever, put a child in it.  My instinct to lift her was right, and I guess Margie also knew it wasn't safe, that's why she fussed.

Because of the snow, not very many folks made it to the meeting and I felt like the demo portion of the meeting was done just for us!  After watching Ann Marie try on carriers and explain the differences, Don and I tried out a Baby Hawk and a Kozy Carrier.  I tried out my first wrap, and also tried a ring sling, which, sad to say, Margie wouldn’t tolerate.

As we were leaving, Don and I agreed that we should get a Mei Tai for both of us and a wrap for me.  We thought that should be enough for us to regain our sanity by having the use of our arms.  We bought those two and, well, a few others, but my addiction to carriers is a topic for another blog…

We still use a stroller on occasion, but most of the time, Margie is worn.  Ever since I got my first carrier, I’ve worn Margie while walking the dog.  I wouldn’t think of going to the grocery store or wholesale club without a carrier.  And in church, I have the best behaved baby!

In March, we went out to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse to celebrate my husband’s birthday with some friends.  I knew they would want to hold her, so we carried her in her car seat.  Once they started cooking on our table, she started getting fussy and all the spare hands suddenly had something else to do.  So, I pulled out my trusty wrap and wrapped her up.  Most people in the restaurant that noticed us were impressed as was my brother-in-law.  My sister did remark, “how many of those things do you have?” but oh well!  As soon as she was snuggled in, Margie was out like a light and I had both hands free to eat my dinner and celebrate.

Just before Easter, we went to Fair Oaks Mall to visit the Bunny.  We decided that we would leave her in her car seat and click it into the stroller.  My thinking was that it would be easier to extricate her from the stroller to see the Bunny than from a carrier.  And while it was easy for that purpose, when we got to shopping, we found the stroller not only cumbersome, but as Margie got tired, she got cranky.  So, up in Gymboree, with other parents and the employees watching, I pulled her out of the stroller and wrapped her up.  I would say that within 5 minutes, she was sound asleep on my chest.  The employees were amazed!  And I again had both hands with which to shop.  I didn’t need to worry about her, I knew exactly where and how she was.  I am beginning to wonder why I even try to mess with the stroller anymore, but then I look at how many shopping bags it holds, maybe we'll keep it after all.

I must admit that while my husband was all gung-ho at his 1st babywearing meeting, apparently, he was only gung-ho for me.  He realized it benefited us, but I had to be the wearer.  I had him pick out the fabric on the Baby Hawk so it was more “his” than mine, but he didn’t find the babywearing love until just the other day.  Since he’s home with Margie 2 days a week while I’m working, I kept suggesting he wear her, but to no avail.  He would always carry her when walking the dog, which scared me.  I feel like it’s too much to juggle the baby, the leash, a 90 lb dog, and pick up poop.  I had ordered a really cool Ergo which I knew he’d love without him knowing.  When it arrived, he couldn’t wait to try it but we needed to get the waist extender.

So, the morning of the very first day he had her alone after we got the extender, he had her in the carrier and ready for the dog walk so they could walk me to the car.  She was smiling and happy riding on daddy!  When I was about ½  way to work, my cell phone rang, “Margie fell asleep in the carrier on our walk” my husband exclaimed.  I had to bite my tongue so as not to say, “I told you so!”  They proceeded to have their best day together, by far.  No screaming, no tantrums, and Margie did well too!  And Don is now a babywearing believer!  HE wore her at our nephew’s birthday at the park over the weekend.

Clearly, we have benefited from the intended consequence of babywearing outside the house: like at the grocery store, the mall, BJ’s and around the house while doing dishes, laundry, and walking the dog, just to name a few!  But, I also found something completely unexpected.  I found a group of fabulous moms and dads who I never would have met had I not started babywearing.  The members of this group are the most generous and kind people I have honestly ever met.  They will literally loan you the carrier off their back to aid a parent in need.  And it’s not just about carriers… they offer the best advice about breastfeeding, high chairs, general parenting, etc and will really go out of their way to help a new mom or dad.  So, not only did I “find” my hands again by babywearing, I also found a whole new group of people I can truly call friend.

I will be eternally grateful to Austin for the invite.  I learned that while I’m not crunchy, I’m not creamy either.  So, does that make me nougetty?

Posted by Mary-Rose

Just what does one DO at a Babywearing Meeting?

This is a question I hear often.  How do you meet about babywearing?  Well, let me give you an overview of what you might do at a meeting:

1. Learn about carrier types
Confused about what type of carrier would work best for you?  Not sure what makes a pouch or ring sling different from a mei tai or soft structured carrier.  Confused how wraps work?  Wonder which style will be best for spring hikes, or which will look nice at your cousin's June wedding?  We have examples and can help you choose a style that works with your needs.  You can also make use of our extensive library to try carriers and determine which one  (or two, or three, or ten - okay, some of MAY have a FEW too many carriers, but don't tell our husbands) is right for you.

2. Learn how to wear a newborn, infant, or toddler safely and comfortably

Babywearing is a skill, and like all skills, it requires instruction and practice.  Since it is a skill involving your baby, it really isn't one that should be left up to trial and error.  While pressing the wrong keys on your first computer might cause you to wipe the hard drive, incorrect babywearing could lead to injury for your little one.  Hands on help is the easiest way to learn how to use carriers correctly and safely.  There are at least two Certified Volunteer Babywearing Educators at each of our meetings ready to share their knowledge and skills. 

3. Learn new carries with carriers you already use

Ready to move on to hip or back carries?  Trying to master nursing in a sling?  Need to learn to wear 2?  Now is the chance!  Babywearing meetings are a great place to troubleshoot new carries or to find a solution to a wearing problem you are having.  For example, we often have people come into their first meeting stating that they LOVE their stretchy wrap at home and wish they could use it out of the house, but it is so hard to wrap in the parking lot.  The new mommy brain is clogged with so much information that the suggestion of, "wrap before you leave the house" is often met with a lightbulb moment and mama saying, "why didn't I think of that?"  We aren't going to teach you rocket science, but we can help you get through your daily tasks more easily.

4. Make friends for yourself AND your children

Babywearing meetings are also a place where parents can just hang out and chat, about the weather, about the newest infant development ideas, and about which store sells the best tomatoes.  For new parents, often the opportunity to have a conversation with other adults about ANYTHING is worth it's weight in gold.  For your children, they can grow to have good friends that they enjoy seeing and playing with at the meetings.  Some meetings we even go to a nearby playground and let the kids loose.

5. Discover the secrets of the mom who has it all together

I'll be honest, usually the secret is that she doesn't really have it all together. But sometimes a tip or trick picked up at a babywearing meeting is the thing that has everyone in your family admiring how cleverly you handle your little one, and the big family dinner.  And often, the best thing in the world as a new parent is to realize that the other parents don't know some magic formula that they forgot to tell you about at delivery.  But if we combine our collective knowledge, we can each become a better parent.

Hopefully this overview has enticed you to attend a meeting.  We have a lot of fun, learn a lot, and make some great friends.  The moms and dads I have met through Beltway Babywearers are kind, friendly, helpful, and are always willing to laugh at me, lest I get too impressed with myself.