Let's Get Real...

I've observed a disturbing trend lately in the online babywearing world.  A parent says, "I have a new baby, I've heard of ring slings and mei tais, which ones are good?" and the immediate reply is "you need a custom wrap conversion from *high end maker*."  Or a parent will say, "I have a 6mo old and a *standard carrier*.  How long can I expect this to work for my pumpkin?"  And someone immediately jumps in with, "you should get a toddler *brand* because pumpkin is going to outgrow *standard carrier* very soon."  Or "wow I can't believe your 6mo old can fit that carrier, mine outgrew it when she was a month old."  Or my favorite, "you need to get a REAL carrier, like a woven wrap made of *special fabric blend*.  I truly believe these folks really do want to be helpful.  I think, like a game of internet telephone, they are repeating what they heard from someone who heard it from someone else who also heard it from someone else and it grew (or shrank) with each retelling.  So, I'm hoping to help reset the telephone game and provide a reference point for when you hear the game getting out of control again.

Here are a few babywearing truths you need to know BEFORE you can adequately share the love:

1.  If you wear your baby... you are a REAL babywearer. 
 I've had so many people say to me at meetings, "I want to learn more so I can be a REAL babywearer.  I only have a frontpack or big box store soft-structured carrier."  Babywearing isn't like the Velveteen Rabbit.  An expensive German-style-woven doesn't shed a thread into the ground to grow a fairy and make you into a REAL babywearer.  You ARE a real babywearer, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't.  Even if you measure in yards or inches.  Even if you own "only" one carrier, and even if you made that carrier in your kitchen or bought it from a BigBox store, you ARE a real babywearer.

A "REAL" Babywearer

Also a REAL babywearer with her real DIY mei tai (and awesome matching headband)

2. Babywearing is a SKILL and not a product.  Let me repeat, Babywearing is NOT a product that you buy.

Towel kanga at the beach

Pillowcase and duct tape podegi from the
first Babywearing Conference Emergency
Wearing class

    









You do not need a carrier to babywear.  You're shocked right now, aren't you?  It's true, a product may well make it EASIER for you to babywear, but it isn't the end all and be all.  If you have the SKILL of babywearing, you can use any carrier, as well as a large variety of *not a carrier* to carry your baby/toddler.  For example, a sheet,  towel, or pillowcase and duct tape can be used in a pinch.  For more examples, check out my emergency babywearing posts.





3. No carrier works for everyone.
  Have you ever had a friend tell you, "omigosh, I just got the most amazing shoes, you HAVE to get some."  You head to the store and the shoes pinch your toes or your feet swim in the shoes, or you just think they look like boats on your feet?  Carriers are like that.  The one I think is awesome may be misery for you.  Brand doesn't matter. The Latest-Greatest doesn't matter. Does it fit your child?  Is it comfortable? Does it fit your aesthetics and more importantly budget? If so, it's a good choice for YOU.

Ouch that rubs!

4. Toddler carriers are not made for the moment your baby can toddle.
    Most toddler carriers don't properly fit children in the 90+ percentile for height/weight until after 2.  So, most kids have been running for a long time before they fit a toddler carrier properly.  A too small child in a large carrier is at risk of over-extending their knees and hips.  I'd go so far as to say this is much MORE not ideal than a baby/child in a narrow carrier, and a too small baby is certainly at risk of getting lost in the fabric and possibly suffocating.  In this way, smaller is better than bigger.

Too tall: Bamberoo, 5mo

Toddler Kinderpack, 13.5mo, has been walking for 5mo

Carrier is too tall and too wide.  You can see the side of the carrier

where the buckle is sits well past her leg bend

5. Toddler carriers aren't necessary to wear a toddler, or preschooler, or elementary schooler, or high schooler.... and there is no such thing as "toddler worthy."  If a toddler is in it, it's worthy.
   Okay, I'll admit, wearing a high schooler wouldn't be my first choice, but if I had a standard carrier and I had an injured high schooler I needed to carry, I'd make use of that standard carrier like a boss.  In general, you don't wear big toddlers for multiple hours a day like you might with an infant.  So, if the carrier/wrap isn't the MOST comfortable carrier to ever hold a kid, so what?  You're wearing for 15-20min, maybe an hour tops.  Are there situations where a toddler carrier makes sense?  Sure.  Special needs kids who might be worn more often, kids who struggle with new situations and might be worn more often, parents with an injury that requires more support, or even a parent who just wants one for their toddler, all of these might make a toddler carrier make sense, but let's stop saying everyone needs one, and especially not with a 12mo old.



ErgoBaby  15yr old, Diane is SO Boss

I want folks to share their babywearing knowledge.  I want them to share how awesome it is to wear their babies, toddlers, and preschoolers.  However, I implore you to not let your want for a new carrier sound like a NEED to a new wearer.  Do you want a new carrier because it's pretty?  Awesome, if you have the means, buy it.  Do you want a toddler carrier?  Awesome, if you have the means, buy one.  Do you want a wrap made of unicorn hair?  Awesome, if you have the means, buy one.  Do you want a wrap conversion carrier made with the latest-greatest wrap du jour?  Awesome, if you have the means, buy one. There's nothing wrong with wanting a carrier or wrap, but PLEASE, stop telling new wearers they NEED those carriers. This discourages people from trying babywearing, it makes it seem like it must be very expensive and exclusive. The consumerist attitude also pushes out and discourages long term educators.

Recently, I've heard of folks telling women who founded the modern babywearing movement, women who are leaders in advocacy and the establishment of babywearing as an acceptable universal practice that they aren't REAL babywearers.  To be frank, How DARE they?  Even if she was a new mom who'd been wearing for a week, where does anyone get the right to tell others their babywearing isn't real enough for them? 

Remember as advocates, our first goal should always be to help them work with what they have.  If what they have truly won't work for them, start with a few examples of carriers that will do the job that are easy to find at a reasonable price point.  If someone wants to jump down the collector's rabbit hole, they can make that decision on their own without feeling pressured to do so.  So, I ask you to take this time to become familiar with these carriers that I have heard "can't" carry a child over 8-12mo.  Notice the wide variety of sizes that children of the same age are.  Notice that all of the pairs seem to be wearing and at the very least content with their *not specifically toddler* carrier. 

Kozy Mei Tai

Kozy Mei Tai, 4.5yrs 48lbs



Kozy Mei Tai, 4yrs old

Onya Baby

 

Onya Baby, 4yrs old



Onya Baby, 7yrs old


 

Onya Baby, 4yrs 40lbs



Ergo Baby
Perhaps the carrier MOST often disparaged as "too small"

Ergo Performance, 5yr old 
 

4yrs, 42lbs




5yrs, about 35lbs

 

3.5yrs, 99th percentile height/weight






Ergo Sport, 4yrs, 40lbs, 42"



But what if s/he is a leaner?

 It's true, a leaning kid can be uncomfortable, but kids can be taught. 

I teach them that there is no climbing out of the cart at Target,

I teach them that they can't run into the street,

and I teach them that if they want to be carried, they can't lean.

Assorted SSCs



Beco Butterfly, 4yrs, 40lbs, 42"





Beco Gemini - often seen as a "small baby" carrier, but it can still do the job at 4yrs, 40lbs

Action Baby Carrier, 5yrs, 35lbs. 

Pikkolo, another notorious "small baby" carrier,  4yrs old, no support belt added

 

Boba, 3 yrs, 29lbs, 34.74"



Boba, 5yrs, 35lbs





Assorted Mei Tais and Half Buckles

Babyhawk 4yrs, 40lbs, 42"



Kindercarry Standard, almost 6yrs old, makes any hospital trip better





Nuzzle Me, Recruit size, 4yrs, 40lbs, 42"

Ring Slings



Ring Sling 4yrs, 40lbs, 42" 
Also an example why the crazy long sling craze is not a good plan

Wraps

I often hear that certain materials or brands of woven wrap aren't "toddler worthy."  Nonsense.

 Didymos Standard line, cotton, 4yr old

 Little Frog, cotton, one of the most inexpensive wraps you can buy, 5yr old

 Girasol, cotton, 6yr old

Old Girasol, the one with a "wrong side," these were already considered
not "toddler worthy" when I started wearing. 50lbs.

Little Frog, cotton, inexpensive, 60lb 6yr old 48", and her 4yr old sister who said, "I wanna go up in the rainbow too!" 

 Amauti

Traditional Inuit Amauti, 8yr old 

Admittedly, this isn't a "Standard" carrier for our area, but it is SO cool (or warm),

and can carry a wide variety of kid sizes

Thanks for reading, and happy baby-toddler-and-big-kidwearing!

 Thanks to the babywearers from around the country (and Canada) who contributed photos for this piece.



Artisan chocolate, Hepplewhite, and Baby Wraps

When I say chocolate, what comes to mind?  Is it bar of chocolate from the convenience store, or do you think of that little shop on the corner where artisan chocolatiers craft unimaginable delights in house?

 If your tastes run more to the latter rather than the former, do not fear—you will be able to drape yourself (and your progeny) in the kind of luxury to which you have become accustomed.  Just as Prada gives you an alternative to those dreary Rockports, there are babywearing companies that provide their customers with wraps woven by wood sprites during the vernal equinox using the finest of unicorn hair on looms of moonlight…

…well, maybe not quite, but rest assured- there are baby carriers to suit every possible occasion, even the ones we invent for ourselves.

Just as it is possible to babywear on a budget, you can find a carrier that does the exact same thing for twenty times the cost!  Seriously!  You didn’t think Maserati had that market cornered, did you?  Most companies have regular line carriers, where you can buy the color and size you desire at any time.  Where’s the challenge in that?  Do you really want to just be able to go to a vendor, tell them what model, size, and color you want and have it shipped to your door in 3-5 business days?  Come on!  The real fun is in the limited editions, or LEs.  These are carriers that are made in limited quantities and once they run out, they’re gone.  It’s an absolute gamble whether the carrier will be popular or fall by the wayside, and this will mean the difference between being able to find a resale for retail or below, or a highly inflated market value.  Fun, fun, FUN!!!

I’m more of a wrap girl myself, so that’s going to be my major focus simply because I have only a tangential knowledge of the other carriers.  I can tell you that I have a $40 linen ringsling that I adore (and bought brand new) and that there is a particular silk ringsling that retails for $1200.  I have a few Mei Teis (Asian style baby carrier) that were around $100, and I’ve seen others go for upwards of $800.  But let’s move on to my wheelhouse, wraps.

There’s a Czech company, Vatanai, that makes a particular wrap (Pamir) that is handwoven by one elderly woman (every one ever created was woven by this one artist) on one very old loom.  Because this is the only way these particular wraps come to be, they are very, very limited, and the runs are not regular because if she is unable to weave for any amount of time (injury, illness, etc), production stops (Pamir is currently out of production).  There is quite a bit of buzz about the magical wrapping qualities of Pamir in the babywearing community, and therefore these wraps are understandably a bit hard to come by and the prices are rather higher than retail.  There is only one vendor in the United States that carries Vatanai.  The retail price for Pamir is around $200, though they can regularly be seen resale for around $800 on the babywearing forums or ebay.

One of the Fall 2008 wool wrap releases from Didymos, a German manufacturer of wraps (or Tragetuecher), has become very popular and sought after for both the purported wrapping qualities and the color combination.  It is now fetching 2-4 times the retail price- convenient if you have one and want some quick cash, not so much if you want one.  Didymos also wove a few 50% silk blend wraps.  Their 50% silk indio was much more limited than their 30% silk indio (both LEs) and while the 30% blend regularly brings about $200 in resale, one of the 50% blends was just sold at auction and got $2,000!  If you’re really looking to get crazy, it gets much more complicated than that, because Didy released their 30% silk indios and then re-released them, and the first release silk indios are alleges to be far superior to their counterparts and are much more HTF (hard to find) than the second release.  Are you still with me?

There are a number of wraps that could even be considered collector’s items.  Didymos in particular has been weaving wraps since the 1970s, and a number of their vintage wraps are very, very expensive, if you’re even able to find them.  Amusingly, some European wearers have been shocked to find a wrap that would be a collectors piece being used as curtains or tablecloths in their aunt's home.  Reminds you of the people who arrive at Antique's Roadshow with an authentic Hepplewhite and claim they use it when cleaning fish.

It is absolutely true that babywearing is possible on any budget, and it is a wonderful, viable option for any parent seeking a special bond with their child that is uniquely the providence of babywearing.  One can find a perfectly suitable, comfortable, functional carrier at almost any price point, but if you want your baby wrapped in cashmere or silk, or you want to engage in the challenge of hunting hard to find carriers, well that’s an option too!

Posted by Heather

Carriers shown in order: 

Didymos Rosenholz Indio 

Didymos Kobalt-Zimt Indio

Didymos Spring Green Nino

Vatanai Pamir

Didymos Petrol/Honey Fishe

Didymos Silk Nino