On Becoming a Babywearer: A New Wearer's Journey

 My daughter was born on December 23, 2009.  I always thought of myself as being pretty good with children; I babysat A LOT growing up, I hang out regularly with my nearly 2 year old nephew, I have friends with kids.  But none of these things would prepare me for a baby who does. NOT. want. to. be. put. down. EVER.  She wants to be held 24-7 or more, if she could manage it.

We had registered for a Boppy Sling at Babies R Us while I was pregnant, it looked comfy and convenient and we thought we’d give it a try.  But, after Margie was born we tried it twice and she would not tolerate it.  She fussed and wiggled and made the whole experience very uncomfortable.  Also, I didn’t think it looked “right” I found myself lifting her up (still in the Boppy Sling) and cradling her just like I would have if she were not in it.  I had basically resigned myself to the fact that I would no longer have arms and wouldn’t be able to do laundry, dishes, or basically ANYTHING until she grew out of this phase or went to college (whichever came first)!

I was lamenting the loss of my arms in on my Facebook status when Margie was about a month old and a friend from college suggested I attend a “Babywearing Meeting.”   “A babywearing meeting?”, I thought to myself… that sounded kind of hokie and Austin, while I love her, is a bit “crunchier”  than I am.  I really wondered if this was for me.  But, I was willing to try anything at that point.  She provided me with the links to the blog site and the yahoo group.  I read some of the blogs and looked at the pictures.  I immediately noticed how generally happy the children AND parents looked in the photos of babywearers.  And, best of all, they had use of their arms & hands!

My husband and I agreed to meet Austin at the February Babywearing Meeting in Tysons.  It came right after one of the big snow storms.  I brought my “sling” along with us figuring the leaders could give me advice on how to use it.  Well, it turns out that the Boppy sling is just a knock-off of the Infantino bag of death sling.  It was recommended that I take the sling, cut the strap, and never, ever, put a child in it.  My instinct to lift her was right, and I guess Margie also knew it wasn't safe, that's why she fussed.

Because of the snow, not very many folks made it to the meeting and I felt like the demo portion of the meeting was done just for us!  After watching Ann Marie try on carriers and explain the differences, Don and I tried out a Baby Hawk and a Kozy Carrier.  I tried out my first wrap, and also tried a ring sling, which, sad to say, Margie wouldn’t tolerate.

As we were leaving, Don and I agreed that we should get a Mei Tai for both of us and a wrap for me.  We thought that should be enough for us to regain our sanity by having the use of our arms.  We bought those two and, well, a few others, but my addiction to carriers is a topic for another blog…

We still use a stroller on occasion, but most of the time, Margie is worn.  Ever since I got my first carrier, I’ve worn Margie while walking the dog.  I wouldn’t think of going to the grocery store or wholesale club without a carrier.  And in church, I have the best behaved baby!

In March, we went out to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse to celebrate my husband’s birthday with some friends.  I knew they would want to hold her, so we carried her in her car seat.  Once they started cooking on our table, she started getting fussy and all the spare hands suddenly had something else to do.  So, I pulled out my trusty wrap and wrapped her up.  Most people in the restaurant that noticed us were impressed as was my brother-in-law.  My sister did remark, “how many of those things do you have?” but oh well!  As soon as she was snuggled in, Margie was out like a light and I had both hands free to eat my dinner and celebrate.

Just before Easter, we went to Fair Oaks Mall to visit the Bunny.  We decided that we would leave her in her car seat and click it into the stroller.  My thinking was that it would be easier to extricate her from the stroller to see the Bunny than from a carrier.  And while it was easy for that purpose, when we got to shopping, we found the stroller not only cumbersome, but as Margie got tired, she got cranky.  So, up in Gymboree, with other parents and the employees watching, I pulled her out of the stroller and wrapped her up.  I would say that within 5 minutes, she was sound asleep on my chest.  The employees were amazed!  And I again had both hands with which to shop.  I didn’t need to worry about her, I knew exactly where and how she was.  I am beginning to wonder why I even try to mess with the stroller anymore, but then I look at how many shopping bags it holds, maybe we'll keep it after all.

I must admit that while my husband was all gung-ho at his 1st babywearing meeting, apparently, he was only gung-ho for me.  He realized it benefited us, but I had to be the wearer.  I had him pick out the fabric on the Baby Hawk so it was more “his” than mine, but he didn’t find the babywearing love until just the other day.  Since he’s home with Margie 2 days a week while I’m working, I kept suggesting he wear her, but to no avail.  He would always carry her when walking the dog, which scared me.  I feel like it’s too much to juggle the baby, the leash, a 90 lb dog, and pick up poop.  I had ordered a really cool Ergo which I knew he’d love without him knowing.  When it arrived, he couldn’t wait to try it but we needed to get the waist extender.

So, the morning of the very first day he had her alone after we got the extender, he had her in the carrier and ready for the dog walk so they could walk me to the car.  She was smiling and happy riding on daddy!  When I was about ½  way to work, my cell phone rang, “Margie fell asleep in the carrier on our walk” my husband exclaimed.  I had to bite my tongue so as not to say, “I told you so!”  They proceeded to have their best day together, by far.  No screaming, no tantrums, and Margie did well too!  And Don is now a babywearing believer!  HE wore her at our nephew’s birthday at the park over the weekend.

Clearly, we have benefited from the intended consequence of babywearing outside the house: like at the grocery store, the mall, BJ’s and around the house while doing dishes, laundry, and walking the dog, just to name a few!  But, I also found something completely unexpected.  I found a group of fabulous moms and dads who I never would have met had I not started babywearing.  The members of this group are the most generous and kind people I have honestly ever met.  They will literally loan you the carrier off their back to aid a parent in need.  And it’s not just about carriers… they offer the best advice about breastfeeding, high chairs, general parenting, etc and will really go out of their way to help a new mom or dad.  So, not only did I “find” my hands again by babywearing, I also found a whole new group of people I can truly call friend.

I will be eternally grateful to Austin for the invite.  I learned that while I’m not crunchy, I’m not creamy either.  So, does that make me nougetty?

Posted by Mary-Rose

Bonding with Dad: A Babywearing Story

As I prepared to welcome our second son, Ansel, to our family, I knew that as a stay at home mom I would need to use babywearing to manage our lives. I knew that there would be times when I would need to hold Ansel, to sleep, to nurse, or just to be close, when I would also need to be able to cook, clean, shop, whatever! So I researched baby carriers and babywearing, joined www.thebabywearer.com and readied myself. I had a few carriers on hand so I would be prepared. As soon as I was physically feeling up to it (which ended up being only a day after giving birth) I started wearing Ansel and began a new routine as a stay at home mom of two!

What I didn't plan on, or expect, was the significance that babywearing would play in the relationship between Ansel and his father, the working parent in our family.

We also had a lot of breastfeeding challenges, and as such, Ansel became very attached to me. Ansel was also a very "high needs" baby (see Lindsay's blog post). For the better part of his first year of life, he would not allow anyone else (including his father!) to hold him. I couldn't even leave the room Ansel was in without having him burst into tears that only I would be able to calm. My husband was admittedly quite disappointed. He and our older son had been very close from the time he was born, and he had often even preferred his father to me. We had all hoped that a similar close relationship would be present with Ansel. Having a baby that wanted nothing to do with him most of the time was very sad. I felt sad for him! But I didn't know what to do.

And then enter babywearing! We had worn our first son, Kadin(who is five years older than Ansel), at times when he was small in mainstream carriers. But primarily because the carriers were not very comfortable, we didn't wear him a lot. Even so, my husband had always loved doing it, and did it more than I did. And when Ansel was born, it was a given that he would wear Ansel as well. At some point, it occurred to me that when I needed to be apart from Ansel for some reason, like to clean the bathtub, to shower, or just to have an hour to myself, that perhaps babywearing could come into play.

We had amazing success with sending my husband out of the house on errands with Ansel and a

carrier (which he patiently allowed me to show him how to use). Because Ansel was breastfed and did not go long between feedings, these outings were quite short, but they were my only time since his birth that he wasn't right next to me. I enjoyed the time very much, even though it was usually spent on household chores. And I very much believe that my husband enjoyed it. At times I would call him, having expected him to already be home, only to find that they were out wandering an electronics store or somewhere similarly manly. My husband would tell me that Ansel was fine, he'd fallen asleep in the carrier, so no need to rush home. Ah, the magic of babywearing!

As Ansel grew, this continued. Anytime we went out as a family, my husband insisted upon being the one to wear Ansel. I was a bit

disappointed at times, as certainly I loved wearing him, too, but this was a special time for the two of them. I was the one who got to breastfeed, I was the one who snuggled him close at night, I was the one who got to stay at home with the kids. I could give up babywearing on family outings. And as Ansel got older, he got more and more comfortable about being with his dad. The bond solidified, and my husband was happy to see that the initial rejection was not a rejection of him, but just a stage in our son's development. At 14 months, my husband even offered his services and completely took over "night duty" with Ansel and helped him to nightwean, which made my life so much easier! Without the bond and comfort they had between them from babywearing, I do not think this would have been reasonable.

Even now, with Ansel over three years old, his father is the one who wears him when we're out of the house.

My husband even wore while being sick. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, and while it strained many aspects of his life, he continued to wear Ansel.  Certainly it would have been physically easier for him not to, as some of the medications caused him tremendous back pain, and while he wouldn't likely admit it, I believe he wanted that closeness with Ansel, even if it meant some discomfort on his part.

Babywearing offers a special opportunity to bond with your child and to spend close time. Perhaps at the end of a day of work, with so many more tasks to accomplish before bedtime, it only makes sense to multitask and combine cuddles with cooking(or cleaning!). It can lessen the challenge of being separated from your child during the day, whether you're a mother or father, a single income household or a dual income household.

Posted by: Nicole

Babywearing and the High Needs Infant

While babywearing helps meet every baby's need to be held and every caregiver's need to get things done, babywearing can be especially helpful for high needs babies.

When my oldest daughter was born, I felt as if I was handling the shock of new parenthood quite well. Until she started screaming all day long, stopped napping, and started refusing to nurse. Gulp. The days were long, very long, with both of us in tears.

After noting that one thing I often saw suggested for unhappy babies was babywearing, I decided to try to babywear through the stress. Caroline and I would pace the apartment over and over, occasionally dancing to music, which seemed to especially calm her. And sometimes she would even nurse. Or sleep. Bliss.

Anyone who has ever had a baby with 'colic' knows that every moment of quiet brings stress in itself -- when will the crying resume? According to a 1986 study from Pediatrics, babies carried for at least 3 hours a day cried and fussed 43% less than babies who were not carried in a soft carrier -- 51% less in the evenings. For a fussy high needs baby, 43% could be whole hours of a day.


If merely walking in a carrier does not calm baby, it can be useful to take a step into the outdoors. Babies can sense stress and often times it can be difficult to avoid falling into a pattern where both child and caregiver are feeding off of each other's tension. Changes of scenery and fresh air help both caregiver and child relax.

Hold that high needs baby tight and know you're making a big difference to them on this very day by providing closeness and security through babywearing. It may feel like every moment is a lifetime while they're crying, but someday you will be able to look back and remark upon how sweet and special all the extra cuddles were -- even through the tears.

Posted by Lindsay