Falling In Love: An Adoption Story

Tomorrow is National Adoption Day!  Today we have a guest blogger to share with us some of the benefits of babywearing with an adopted child.

I use to be that mom.  The mom that would carry her infant around in a ridiculously heavy car seat, because for some reason in my mind it seemed easier than holding a tiny baby.  Looking back now, I realize the logic in that was missing.  But considering it was my first child I guess I still had a lot to learn.

With my oldest son after discovering the practical side of babywearing

When my next baby came along, it seemed I didn’t have enough hands anymore.  This led to my discovery of babywearing.  At this point I didn’t have a love for babywearing.  I had a NEED for it.  If I had one child strapped to me, that meant I had both hands free to wrangle my then 3 year old daughter.  Even better, I could strap my baby boy, Micah, to my back and even PICK UP my daughter.  It was a convenient easy option to keeping my kids safe and nearby.

Immediately after my son Micah was born, we started the process to adopt a baby boy from Korea.  We were told the adoption process would take about 2 years.  Well, God had other plans, because 10 months after our very first interview our teeny tiny 4 month old Korean baby was in our arms.  What a blessing.  But boy was my world about to be ROCKED!

Coming home with our new baby, a carrier in the background

During those 10 months of waiting, I did a LOT of reading, a lot of blog posting, and lots of question asking on adoption forums.  I learned all about bonding and attachment, and the importance of keeping your newly adopted baby as close as possible.  After all, I would be bringing home a baby who had never been near me or my family, had never seen “white” faces, and had never heard our language.  Everything around him would look, smell, sound, and taste different.  At this point, the need for babywearing changed drastically.

From the moment our new son Arie was placed in our arms, I kept him as close to me as possible.  If he wasn’t in my arms, he was strapped to my chest.  I no longer looked at babywearing as simply a way to make life easier.  Now it was a way to help me and my baby fall in love with each other.  With him on my chest, he could hear my heart beating, feel my breath, hear my voice, and smell my scent.  These were all things that my biological children were able to do while in my belly and immediately after birth.  But in Arie’s eyes, I was a stranger.  So we had a lot of bonding to catch up on.

Arie still likes to be worn as a big kid!

During the next two years, I became a pro at babywearing. Since my boys were only 12 months apart, I often had one strapped on my right hip, and the other popped up on my Left.  My boys would bicker over who would be in the carrier, and occasionally I would just tie them both to me!  Although Micah enjoyed it, Arie lived for it.  He would sleep, play, eat, and socialize with his siblings while I wore him.  Arie also has special needs, and one of his issues is sensory processing disorder.  He would get himself so worked up that he couldn’t calm down.  The only thing that would sooth him was to put him on me in a carrier.   The compression of the carrier, accompanied with the warmth and movement of being tied to my chest, would immediately relax him.  It was amazing.

Arie is a happy member of our family

Arie quickly became attached to both me and my husband.  Keeping him physically close helped our bond strengthen.  I loved having him near my heart, and he loved being there.  I have learned throughout the years that although babywearing is practical and convenient, it can also be magical.  It helped the love grow between us and our adopted son, and it brought us closer in more ways than one.  

Our first photo of our family of 6!

Arie is now a 32 pound 5 year old.  He still occasionally asks to be worn in the carrier, and I happily oblige (but only in the house!).  I have since had another baby, and this time around I was able to appreciate ALL the benefits of babywearing.  But I could still use a few more hands….

 Posted by Ryan

Working Outside the Home: One Babywearer's Story

I am a work outside the home mom.

I used to cringe to myself when I said those words, but babywearing has helped me to feel that I can stand up and be proud that I am being the best mother I can be to my daughter Cori. I work long hours at my day job, which means that my time with my daughter is very limited. I get to see her in the evenings, and on weekends, so we must pack our learning, playing, and bonding into those few precious hours.

I wear Cori as much as I can when I’m at home.

If I’m lucky, I get home in time to change my clothing and put her up on my back so I can help my husband make dinner for us all. Those few minutes of attached time help Cori to fall asleep easier, to be more pulled together and peaceful when it’s bed time.

I carry my daughter in a ring sling on weekends while I vacuum, or walk to the mailbox, or wash laundry. She’s up at my eye level, so she can see what I’m doing. Recently she decided that she wanted to help me wash the dishes. She happily carried around a bottle brush while I finished my chore. I knew exactly where she was, she was safe and content in a ring sling on my back.

Sometimes on weekend days we just have to get out of the house. We’ve spent too much time cooped up together. I grab a mei tai or a soft structured carrier and we go for a walk. Whether we’re walking through a garden or around the mall, it’s easier (and snugglier) for me to maneuver us both without a stroller. Of course, at the mall a stroller is a handy storage receptacle for our packages!

I know that Cori must enjoy being worn. Recently she’s started to hand me whatever wrap she can find, grinning from ear to ear. When I ask her if she wants to go for a ride, she starts to bounce and nod. If this wasn’t fun for her, she wouldn’t ask me to do it!

For all the other WOH moms, don’t give up. Even a tiny span of stolen time wearing your baby is good for them. Wearing is helping you to be the best mom for your kid!

Posted by Lauren H.

Bonding with Dad: A Babywearing Story

As I prepared to welcome our second son, Ansel, to our family, I knew that as a stay at home mom I would need to use babywearing to manage our lives. I knew that there would be times when I would need to hold Ansel, to sleep, to nurse, or just to be close, when I would also need to be able to cook, clean, shop, whatever! So I researched baby carriers and babywearing, joined www.thebabywearer.com and readied myself. I had a few carriers on hand so I would be prepared. As soon as I was physically feeling up to it (which ended up being only a day after giving birth) I started wearing Ansel and began a new routine as a stay at home mom of two!

What I didn't plan on, or expect, was the significance that babywearing would play in the relationship between Ansel and his father, the working parent in our family.

We also had a lot of breastfeeding challenges, and as such, Ansel became very attached to me. Ansel was also a very "high needs" baby (see Lindsay's blog post). For the better part of his first year of life, he would not allow anyone else (including his father!) to hold him. I couldn't even leave the room Ansel was in without having him burst into tears that only I would be able to calm. My husband was admittedly quite disappointed. He and our older son had been very close from the time he was born, and he had often even preferred his father to me. We had all hoped that a similar close relationship would be present with Ansel. Having a baby that wanted nothing to do with him most of the time was very sad. I felt sad for him! But I didn't know what to do.

And then enter babywearing! We had worn our first son, Kadin(who is five years older than Ansel), at times when he was small in mainstream carriers. But primarily because the carriers were not very comfortable, we didn't wear him a lot. Even so, my husband had always loved doing it, and did it more than I did. And when Ansel was born, it was a given that he would wear Ansel as well. At some point, it occurred to me that when I needed to be apart from Ansel for some reason, like to clean the bathtub, to shower, or just to have an hour to myself, that perhaps babywearing could come into play.

We had amazing success with sending my husband out of the house on errands with Ansel and a

carrier (which he patiently allowed me to show him how to use). Because Ansel was breastfed and did not go long between feedings, these outings were quite short, but they were my only time since his birth that he wasn't right next to me. I enjoyed the time very much, even though it was usually spent on household chores. And I very much believe that my husband enjoyed it. At times I would call him, having expected him to already be home, only to find that they were out wandering an electronics store or somewhere similarly manly. My husband would tell me that Ansel was fine, he'd fallen asleep in the carrier, so no need to rush home. Ah, the magic of babywearing!

As Ansel grew, this continued. Anytime we went out as a family, my husband insisted upon being the one to wear Ansel. I was a bit

disappointed at times, as certainly I loved wearing him, too, but this was a special time for the two of them. I was the one who got to breastfeed, I was the one who snuggled him close at night, I was the one who got to stay at home with the kids. I could give up babywearing on family outings. And as Ansel got older, he got more and more comfortable about being with his dad. The bond solidified, and my husband was happy to see that the initial rejection was not a rejection of him, but just a stage in our son's development. At 14 months, my husband even offered his services and completely took over "night duty" with Ansel and helped him to nightwean, which made my life so much easier! Without the bond and comfort they had between them from babywearing, I do not think this would have been reasonable.

Even now, with Ansel over three years old, his father is the one who wears him when we're out of the house.

My husband even wore while being sick. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, and while it strained many aspects of his life, he continued to wear Ansel.  Certainly it would have been physically easier for him not to, as some of the medications caused him tremendous back pain, and while he wouldn't likely admit it, I believe he wanted that closeness with Ansel, even if it meant some discomfort on his part.

Babywearing offers a special opportunity to bond with your child and to spend close time. Perhaps at the end of a day of work, with so many more tasks to accomplish before bedtime, it only makes sense to multitask and combine cuddles with cooking(or cleaning!). It can lessen the challenge of being separated from your child during the day, whether you're a mother or father, a single income household or a dual income household.

Posted by: Nicole